Gears of War Co-Op
People I came across replaying Gears of War’s campaign on the hardest difficulty, on co-operative multiplayer:
Number 1 was very chatty, despite the prevailing easterly lag. He had suffered a heat stroke the previous day, and thought he was going to die. As we played, he complained that his toe ached with an unaccountable redness. He kindly showed me where all the COG tags were that I hadn’t yet picked up, since I had seven or eight still to find. As he started dryly saying LOL (sounding exactly like loll) before deliberately blowing himself up, I guessed that he was a fan of Arby n the Chief. He disconnected when the lag became unbaearable, shortly after I’d started speaking in Victorian English.
Number 3 was also most helpful on the COG tag front, but unfortunately had no headset. I thought he was suffering an attack of severe retardation as he began to empty his fourth successive clip into the ground, until I realised it was him John Ramoboeqsquely pointing out a heretofore unfound COG tag. There’s an achievement to be had for finding all the COG tags, I should explain, which, during bouts of gaming ennui or times of thrift, I become extra obsessive about.
Number 4, much like numbers 7, 8, 11, 14 and 16, was a gamer. Not a talker. These guys have minimal patience, showing their true colours during the passages where the two players are forced to split up, and are unable to revive each other. These are the trickiest parts, and the trickiest co-pilots. Some will have endless patience if it is you that dies, but are their own harshest critics, quitting shortly after dying for a second or third time; while others quit when you die, despite their own, sometimes vastly inferior, mortality rate. The unspoken “**** you” is omnipresent. The consensus on average appears to be that, so long as noticable progress is being made, it’s worth persevering with your partner for another go. If it appears to be going nowhere fast, quitting is a fair enough option, and one I used on three occasions with players 4, 9 and 18.
Number 6 seemed able and helpful, assisting me through one of the trickiest passages of the game, before disconnecting mere virtual metres before the next checkpoint. I was forced to retry the passage over and over again with numbers 7, 8, 9 and 10. I don’t know that he did it on purpose, but I have my suspicions. Which I was happy to act on when I voicemailed him some filthy messages over Xbox Live telling him exactly what I thought of him, his partner, his family, his sexual history and his pets (of which list there was considerable crossover between the last three items). My frustration vented, it hardly seemd to matter that I sent it to the wrong person.
Number 12 broke with long-standing tradition and greedily helped himself to all the ammo pick-ups, power weapons and sprinted on ahead regardless of my fruitless COG tag searches. He wasn’t even very good at the game, lacking almost one hundred percent in strategy: firing shotgun shells at foes a hundred yards away, and undertaking kamikaze sprints revving his chainsaw only to be cut to ribbons.
Number 15 was the first talker in ages, and was likewise refreshing his Gears of War memory ahead of Gears 2, which is due in November. He must have been playing only last week, as his memory was sufficiently refreshed in approximately 124 seconds.
Number 19 was the Delta Squaddiest of them all. He used no headset, but spoke articulately in the language of war. He walked me through the closing passages of the game, like he was escorting a fallen rookie. This session included a tricky escape from a manor house, in which one normally has to fight off two boomers (the toughst enemies in the game, with their explosive “BOOM”s), before making a frantic dash across the back garden, which at this stage resembles Omaha Beach, to an escape vehicle. Well, number 19 succeeded where 17 and 18 failed and made it to the vehicle before I’d got my second shot at boomer number one. I have no idea how he did it. At times he’d stop, absolutely motionless, and I wondered what was keeping him until the familiar message received pop-up would appear, and he’d send me some advice as to how to go about the next attempt a bit less in the manner of Christopher Biggins. That I completed the closing chapters of the game in quick time is merely because I did so in a protective bubble. After the game I sent my own message: “thanks for that”. The reply came moments later. “Likewise ^_^ xx”.
Number 19 was my favourite, but number 1 was a close second. I hope his toe feels better.
